One of the most important aspects of human sexuality is the physical touch. We kiss, caress, explore through touch and, when in a sexual situation, this is connected to the sex act itself. Sensual massage can be a prelude to or standalone activity of exploration, discovery, enjoyment and connection. It heightens the entire sexual experience as well as teaches patience and communication. In a sensual massage, you must consider and seduce all the senses. Sight, sound, taste, smell and touch. Warning: This is not the same as a therapeutic or Swedish massage.
The massage surface is also important. If you don’t have a massage table, use your bed with your partner’s head facing the outer corner; that way you have access to both sides of her body without creating too much strain to your back. Another option is to put a chaise lounge pad on your dining room table (weight limits do apply) as this can be the perfect height. Place a large towel (a beach towel works) on top of the surface. Support her body with pillows: When she is lying prone, place two bed pillows under the towel; one under the chest and one under the ankles, so her neck and low back will relax. When she is supine, place pillows under head and knees.
Offer her a sip of whatever beverage you have prepared and a taste of the treat. (A romantic favorite is chocolate-dipped strawberries and champagne, but you know your partner, so be creative.)
The whole body is a erogenous zone. Explore every nook and cranny. Don’t be shy. This is your partner you’re touching, loving and enjoying. Respectfully get curious about her. Use warming oils or flavored oils so that you’ll feel free to use your mouth as well as your hands. If you know she loves her feet rubbed, take your time and tell her you are doing so. That way she will relax deeper into the enjoyment rather than thinking “Oh I hope he doesn’t quit this too soon.”
Let her know that you want to please her. Ask her to let you know when you are doing so in whatever way she is comfortable expressing her pleasure. Then carefully listen for verbal clues that she is enjoying herself. Also, those physical signs, like goose bumps or nipples hardening, can be pleasure clues as well.
Appeal to all of her senses by talking softly to her during the massage. Tell her how much you love touching her body, how soft her skin feels, how beautiful she looks, how just touching her turns you on. This experience needs to be respectful yet very different from any other massage she has experienced. Leaving her draped or allowing the drape to expose her body will heighten her excitement. Gentlemen, this is when patience on your part is of utmost importance. Many a massage has ended here. Remember this is all about you learning about how to please her in new ways. Ask often whether she wants more or less pressure. Each area demands a new assessment. (Hint: to avoid discomfort, always massage with deepest pressure toward the heart.)
Holding the drape in a tent formation above her body, ask her to turn onto her back. Position the pillows under her head and her knees. This is a nice time to offer her a sip and taste of the treat you prepared. Enjoy some together. This is a time to linger and not feel rushed.
Uncovering one leg at a time, you can add some intrigue by leaving her slightly more exposed, or tuck the sheet between her legs to maintain the element of privacy. You are learning about what turns her on, so mix it up. And ask her how she is feeling. Is she comfortable? Excited? Nervous? Anxious? Listen to her breathing, which can give you a lot of clues. Using a generous amount of oil, you can increase her intensity by sitting between her legs and massaging up both legs, simultaneously bringing your thumbs together at the outer labia. Tender brushes or a little squeeze of the thumbs together can create some incredible sensations. Then move your hands over her hips and onto her belly. Make sure she is slippery with oil. (Hint: When massaging the abdomen, massage in a circular motion, in this direction only: from her right hip, up across the belly, down the left side and across.)
Moving your hands to her breasts, slow down here. Avoid the nipples as long as you can. Make gentle circles with a very light touch. Trace the shape with your fingertips, move in circles, making them smaller when getting closer to her nipples. Do that several times without actually touching the nipples. If her nipples have a high sexual charge this will drive her wild with excitement. Let her marinate in that excitement. Move to her shoulders, neck, arms, and then come back to her breasts. You want to mix the sexual stimulation with the relaxation throughout the massage. Some even include the use of a vibrating massager to enliven the senses. Creativity is welcome!
Standing at the top of the table or bed nearest her head (no extra oil needed here), lightly brush her face. Tell her what her face means to you, what you see and feel. Tell her what her lips feel and taste like … what you see in her eyes. Bring your face close and breathe her breath … whisper in her ear how honored you feel to have this opportunity to touch and enjoy her body. Brush and stroke her hair. Pulling large sections of hair gently can feel great; watch her face for clues. Be open to the experience of learning new ways to please your partner. Some will work and some won’t. Letting go of your fear of “doing it wrong” will allow you the freedom to explore.
Ask her if she would like you to touch her any place else. Ask her if you can enjoy her body with your mouth. Asking permission creates a new dimension of sensual expression. This may or may not lead to a sexual experience. Be okay with either. This depth of intimate connection will add to your relationship, especially when there is no inkling of expectation other than pure pleasure.
Learning to communicate with all of our senses opens us to the richness of all experiences in life. We are teaching each other some important life lessons though sensual massage: trust, respect, love, kindness, selflessness and truthful communication, to mention a few. Set aside some time for each other. Giving and receiving this degree of intimate connection will undoubtedly enhance your love relationship.
Nancy Sutton Pierce RN, Health Educator is the Founding director of Nancy Sutton’s House of Yoga and Radio Talk Show Host on The Conscious Living Show LIVE every Saturday 11a-12noon on KCNR 1460am You can reach Nancy at firstname.lastname@example.org with your comment or questions.
As You Desire is proudly sponsored by Body Logic MD; helping both men and women restore their libido and vitality through hormone therapy, fitness and nutrition counseling. www.bodylogicmd.com